My Total Eclipse

"Once upon a time I was falling in love
Now I'm only falling apart.
Theres nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart.
Once upon a time there was love in my life
But now theres only love in the dark.
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart."

It feels like just recently I'm finally allowing there to be light in life. And its a scary feeling again given what I went through(still going through) but I'm starting to remember the warmth also that comes with love. I wrote down this note to myself the other day and I wanted to put it on here so I could refer to it if I needed to. It helps remind me of who I used to be and hope to get back to.

Don't let him change you just because he is selfish and immature. Don't let him harden your heart or cause you to become bitter. Keep being generous, thoughtful and kind. Keep believing others are also those things. Keep your heart open, keep believing in soulmates and "happily-ever-afters" not because thats only possible in Hollywood but because you've seen it in your own family. Remember Grandma & Grandpa Bowen, Granny & Papa, Joe & Trudy, Jami & Brad, Jason & Cindy. They are the ones that have given you solid examples of true-ever-lasting love. Don't let your 18 months with him rob you of happiness the rest of your life deserves to be filled with.

You don't have to be angry anymore. Let go of it so there will be room in your heart for love. Trust your judgement when it comes to people. Remember who you bring in your life, you bring into your daughter's life too now. Be cautious, but dont hold his flaws against others. As much as you want your daughter to be happy and healthy know she wants those same things for you too. You can tell she wants you to be happy, thats why she is always making you laugh and smile. She'll keep running you in circles to try to keep you healthy too!!Raise her to believe in love and be a generous soul too. Teach her by example.

You've survived hateful men in your life before. You've accomplished things they never thought you could do. Don't give them the power to change the person you've become and the woman you were born to be. They obviously have their own demons to battle.

Love yourself again and dont be so hard on yourself. Believe you are worthy and deserving of love. You are surrounded by love. Your family, friends and Savior will always help and support you when you need them. Dont be afraid to use them. Dont shut them out. Dont be afraid to love again. Dont every be afraid of anything.

Yeah- I needed to write that down. I needed to hear it again. Seems like my eclipse is finally ending.