The last time we were in court was September 2016. We worked through some issues, agreed to others and got things written down in some temporary orders. I agreed to allow the NCP (Non-custodial Parent) overnight visits on Thursdays. He agreed to allow phone calls to be unmonitored. It was decided that since he and I can’t work disputes out then the Guardian ad Litem (GAL), Pattye High, would change roles and become the Parent Coordinator (PC). A PC is basically like a mediator if the parents can’t come to an agreement on an issue. We were at court pretty late and there were two issues left open. The issues were 1) Should corporal punishment be allowed and 2) Who gets to final say on decisions around her education. We both were pretty agreeable to everything else that was decided that day but not these 2 last remaining issues. So we had to go to trial about these two things. I was under the impression we would be going back to court within a matter of months to decide those. We didn’t get back until 2 years later, 2018.
So many more issues have come up between then and now. Those 2 issues are almost irrelevant. He still has not allowed a single phone call. His punishments of Skye are just so unreasonable. He is supposed to give me notice of his National Guard drill dates and he doesn’t which makes planning special occasions difficult for me to do. He hasn’t reimbursed me for any medical bills ever or pad his half of extracurricular activities. He doesn’t allow her to attend special events like field trips or award ceremonies. He denies her medical attention when she is in his care for regular appointments or emergency situations. Everything is so difficult with him. That’s where the PC is supposed to step in and help mediate. Well, she said since the orders are only temporary and not official yet (because of those 2 unresolved issues) she couldn’t mediate. She could only act as the GAL which is basically the same but she wants to get all technical about it. I think it’s just her way of being lazy. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to deal with us. But she signed up for it. If she didn’t want to do it, she should have stepped down. So for 2 years we argued about these things and more. It also didn’t make since to me why that part of the temp order wasn’t official but other parts were, like the Thursday overnight visits, (which I never should have agreed to and regret terribly) are official and had to start but assigning us a PC wasn’t official.
My lawyer gave me a multitude of reasons why it took so long to get back to court. She blamed it on the judge and the GAL. I don’t care whose fault it was. Watching Skye deal with this chaos was just brutal. We did finally get a court date and I was under the impression it would be just for those 2 issues. That frustrated me because now there are so many more issues to address. Part of the process of preparing for court is his attorney had to send over a settlement statement. He did and it listed about 10 things he wanted to address. His demands were ludicrous. It also through me for a loop because I thought we were just addressing those 2 unresolved issues but the stuff on his settlement statement were totally different things. My attorney had not reviewed it and just sent it to me and told me to respond.
I went ahead and responded to his laundry list of issues and was now under the impression that this wasn’t just about the 2 open issues but this was a chance to finalize everything. Nothing has ever been officially finalized with our case. I went ahead and started to add my laundry list of issues and sent my reply to my attorney. She told me we could only address those 2 issues. She didn’t know why he had added so many things and told me she would try to associate as many of my items to the 2 unresolved issues. She tried to get the judge to hear my other concerns, like for example, Skye not getting her military ID. She said the judge refused to hear any other issues besides the 2 unresolved. So absolutely nothing else got accomplished.
He agreed to no longer use corporal punishment so we didn’t have to actually have a trial on that issue. Not sure if he realizes corporal punishment also mean snot making her run on a treadmill at 10 at night after a long basketball practice on a school night, but the PC started working on a recommendation for acceptable forms of punishment for both parents to use. I have yet to see this recommendation but I actually feel pretty ok about it. She was on board with the entire request to not allow corporal punishment.
In 2016 Mom still lived in a house in Red Oak Elementary school boundaries. We mainly lived there so we just used her address for school enrollment. For my out-of-state friends, Red Oak is a school in Moore Public Schools (MPS). It’s a good school. Moore is a good school system. I wasn’t that fond of how the school refused to help out in some situations but I dealt with it. Skye went there in 1st and 2nd grade. Mom and I bought a house in the summer of 2017. The new address was still in MPS but a new school. A really great school. The NCP was livid. Livid I tell you, which brought me great joy.
Well, then that contract for the house fell through but we had already enrolled Skye in the new school and by that time it was well into the school year. We began frantically looking for another house in the same area. We did find one which is the house we live in now and we love it. So by doing this before we went to court, we got the house we wanted and he wasn’t allowed to try to block us from moving to a new school.
I’m giving you some of this background because the 2nd issues around education, the judge said we both agreed I wouldn’t move again, which it is highly unlikely I will, both parents agree to the current schools boundaries I live in so that issue is also resolved. As far as other issues around education, the judge wouldn’t allow the arguments to be heard. So basically, I had moved and the judge told us it was ok. That’s it. The judge wouldn’t hear any other issues. The purpose of arguing this issue was so I could make a decision if Skye wanted to participate in a school activity or if he tried to keep her grades from me, I could show I had some authority over this, not merely for permission to move. If I want to bring up any other issues I have to file contempt and wait for another court date.
What’s really upsetting and twisted and difficult to explain is this: Officially, the PC was never “activated” until just a few days ago so she was never given a chance to perform her duties. Although she would step in periodically and say, ”As the PC I recommend this….” But at other times she would say, “I’m not officially the PC so I can’t get involved….” But now it is official. So now she can step in if we need her to mediate. And if I try to bring up my 2 years worth of concerns to the court at this point before taking them to the PC it makes me look like I’m not giving the PC a chance to intervene. And since all the stuff that happened, may not have happened if the PC would have been involved I have to basically let all that stuff go and we both start off on a “clean slate.” Instead of being allowed to say how he doesn’t allow Skye to go on field trips or other school sponsored events, I have to wait for him to do it again. If I could bring it up right now, I could prevent it from happening again. But now I can’t prevent it from happening again. I just have to wait until it does happen. At that point I can talk to him about it. If we can’t resolve the issue, I bring it up to the PC, She makes a decision. She wasn’t allowed in the last 2 years to make a decision. Now she can. If I disagree with her decision I can basically object and take it up with the court. If she makes a decision and he still goes against her decision, at that point I can file contempt with the court and show how he is unwilling to stick to the terms of our agreement. But the thing is I have to wait for him to make a mistake again because evidently the last 2 years of mistakes don’t count since we never had a PC on board. How twisted does that sound?
Now she is really only supposed to get involved in issues that haven’t clearly been written into the orders. If he is not following the court orders on things like phone calls, medical bills, giving me proper notice of drill dates…things like that, I can file contempt and plan to. Especially about the phone calls. The issues for the PC to address are things like field trips. The court orders don’t say anything about field trips so if I wanted her to go and he didn’t, she could decide. IMP it’s ridiculous to get her involved in every little issue like that. What I hope would be her assistance in bigger issues like him not providing Skye medical treatment when she’s covered in poison ivy or things like that.
It is very unclear to me why parts of the temp order were official back in 2016, like Thursday overnight visits and other parts weren’t, like being able to settle disputes through a PC. I don’t understand why at times Pattye didn’t get involved at all and said she wasn’t PC and then at times would say she was PC. It’s so messed up.
So here’s the plan moving forward…Best case scenario he becomes a wonderful loving father and he and I can resolve all issues ourselves and we don’t even have to get the PC involved. Yeah, right!! Doubtful. Another “Best” case scenario, and probably the more likely one, is he continues to mess up so badly, hurts Skye so badly that the PC finally sees what I’ve been trying to tell her and she now has the authority to step in and get involved more so than before. What obviously sucks about this scenario is Skye shouldn’t have to go through this anymore. She’s been dealing with all this for too long already. I have to just sit back and wait for this to happen. Worst case scenario is everything he does is borderline not appropriate but not bad enough to get involved. Ugh. I just need to continue to document everything and when it happens, and I know it will just bring it up to her. If he messes up enough, I can do something then. These last two years don’t count though.
Skye will be 12 in about 2 years. If nothing serious enough happens and I can’t get anything changed before then, that’s basically our last hope. But thats 2 years away. I’m wore out. Skye’s wore out. Technically I “won” at court and that would have been great back in 2016. All ongoing issues though are now still ongoing. It feels pretty anti-climactic.
Here's a link to the court case if you want to look at it. The entry from 9-23-16 is the order that shows the 2 unresolved issues and the journal entry from 9-6-18 shows the results of going to court. http://www.oscn.net/dockets/GetCaseInformation.aspx?db=oklahoma&number=FD-2009-4877&cmid=2518270
