Court Update

     The last time we were in court was September 2016. We worked through some issues, agreed to others and got things written down in some temporary orders. I agreed to allow the NCP (Non-custodial Parent) overnight visits on Thursdays. He agreed to allow phone calls to be unmonitored. It was decided that since he and I can’t work disputes out then the Guardian ad Litem (GAL), Pattye High, would change roles and become the Parent Coordinator (PC).  A PC is basically like a mediator if the parents can’t come to an agreement on an issue. We were at court pretty late and there were two issues left open. The issues were 1) Should corporal punishment be allowed and 2) Who gets to final say on decisions around her education. We both were pretty agreeable to everything else that was decided that day but not these 2 last remaining issues. So we had to go to trial about these two things. I was under the impression we would be going back to court within a matter of months to decide those. We didn’t get back until 2 years later, 2018. 


     So many more issues have come up between then and now. Those 2 issues are almost irrelevant. He still has not allowed a single phone call. His punishments of Skye are just so unreasonable. He is supposed to give me notice of his National Guard drill dates and he doesn’t which makes planning special occasions difficult for me to do. He hasn’t reimbursed me for any medical bills ever or pad his half of extracurricular activities. He doesn’t allow her to attend special events like field trips or award ceremonies. He denies her medical attention when she is in his care for regular appointments or emergency situations. Everything is so difficult with him. That’s where the PC is supposed to step in and help mediate. Well, she said since the orders are only temporary and not official yet (because of those 2 unresolved issues) she couldn’t mediate. She could only act as the GAL which is basically the same but she wants to get all technical about it. I think it’s just her way of being lazy. I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to deal with us. But she signed up for it. If she didn’t want to do it, she should have stepped down. So for 2 years we argued about these things and more. It also didn’t make since to me why that part of the temp order wasn’t official but other parts were, like the Thursday overnight visits, (which I never should have agreed to and regret terribly) are official and had to start but assigning us a PC wasn’t official. 


     My lawyer gave me a multitude of reasons why it took so long to get back to court. She blamed it on the judge and the GAL. I don’t care whose fault it was. Watching Skye deal with this chaos was just brutal. We did finally get a court date and I was under the impression it would be just for those 2 issues. That frustrated me because now there are so many more issues to address. Part of the process of preparing for court is his attorney had to send over a settlement statement. He did and it listed about 10 things he wanted to address. His demands were ludicrous. It also through me for a loop because I thought we were just addressing those 2 unresolved issues but the stuff on his settlement statement were totally different things. My attorney had not reviewed it and just sent it to me and told me to respond. 


     I went ahead and responded to his laundry list of issues and was now under the impression that this wasn’t just about the 2 open issues but this was a chance to finalize everything. Nothing has ever been officially finalized with our case. I went ahead and started to add my laundry list of issues and sent my reply to my attorney. She told me we could only address those 2 issues. She didn’t know why he had added so many things and told me she would try to associate as many of my items to the 2 unresolved issues. She tried to get the judge to hear my other concerns, like for example, Skye not getting her military ID. She said the judge refused to hear any other issues besides the 2 unresolved. So absolutely nothing else got accomplished. 


     He agreed to no longer use corporal punishment so we didn’t have to actually have a trial on that issue. Not sure if he realizes corporal punishment also mean snot making her run on a treadmill at 10 at night after a long basketball practice on a school night, but the PC started working on a recommendation for acceptable forms of punishment for both parents to use. I have yet to see this recommendation but I actually feel pretty ok about it. She was on board with the entire request to not allow corporal punishment. 


     In 2016 Mom still lived in a house in Red Oak Elementary school boundaries. We mainly lived there so we just used her address for school enrollment. For my out-of-state friends, Red Oak is a school in Moore Public Schools (MPS). It’s a good school. Moore is a good school system. I wasn’t that fond of how the school refused to help out in some situations but I dealt with it. Skye went there in 1st and 2nd grade. Mom and I bought a house in the summer of 2017. The new address was still in MPS but a new school. A really great school. The NCP was livid. Livid I tell you, which brought me great joy. 


     Well, then that contract for the house fell through but we had already enrolled Skye in the new school and by that time it was well into the school year. We began frantically looking for another house in the same area. We did find one which is the house we live in now and we love it. So by doing this before we went to court, we got the house we wanted and he wasn’t allowed to try to block us from moving to a new school.  


     I’m giving you some of this background because the 2nd issues around education, the judge said we both agreed I wouldn’t move again, which it is highly unlikely I will, both parents agree to the current  schools boundaries I live in so that issue is also resolved. As far as other issues around education, the judge wouldn’t allow the arguments to be heard. So basically, I had moved and the judge told us it was ok. That’s it. The judge wouldn’t hear any other issues. The purpose of arguing this issue was so I could make a decision if Skye wanted to participate in a school activity or if he tried to keep her grades from me, I could show I had some authority over this, not merely for permission to move. If I want to bring up any other issues I have to file contempt and wait for another court date. 


     What’s really upsetting and twisted and difficult to explain is this: Officially, the PC was never “activated” until just a few days ago so she was never given a chance to perform her duties. Although she would step in periodically and say, ”As the PC I recommend this….” But at other times she would say, “I’m not officially the PC so I can’t get involved….” But now it is official. So now she can step in if we need her to mediate. And if I try to bring up my 2 years worth of concerns to the court at this point before taking them to the PC it makes me look like I’m not giving the PC a chance to intervene. And since all the stuff that happened, may not have happened if the PC would have been involved I have to basically let all that stuff go and we both start off on a “clean slate.” Instead of being allowed to say how he doesn’t allow Skye to go on field trips or other school sponsored events, I have to wait for him to do it again. If I could bring it up right now, I could prevent it from happening again. But now I can’t prevent it from happening again. I just have to wait until it does happen. At that point I can talk to him about it. If we can’t resolve the issue, I bring it up to the PC, She makes a decision. She wasn’t allowed in the last 2 years to make a decision. Now she can. If I disagree with her decision I can basically object and take it up with the court. If she makes a decision and he still goes against her decision, at that point I can file contempt with the court and show how he is unwilling to stick to the terms of our agreement. But the thing is I have to wait for him to make a mistake again because evidently the last 2 years of mistakes don’t count since we never had a PC on board. How twisted does that sound? 


     Now she is really only supposed to get involved in issues that haven’t clearly been written into the orders. If he is not following the court orders on things like phone calls, medical bills, giving me proper notice of drill dates…things like that, I can file contempt and plan to. Especially about the phone calls. The issues for the PC to address are things like field trips. The court orders don’t say anything about field trips so if I wanted her to go and he didn’t, she could decide. IMP it’s ridiculous to get her involved in every little issue like that. What I hope would be her assistance in bigger issues like him not providing Skye medical treatment when she’s covered in poison ivy or things like that. 
It is very unclear to me why parts of the temp order were official back in 2016, like Thursday overnight visits and other parts weren’t, like being able to settle disputes through a PC. I don’t understand why at times Pattye didn’t get involved at all and said she wasn’t PC and then at times would say she was PC. It’s so messed up.


     So here’s the plan moving forward…Best case scenario he becomes a wonderful loving father and he and I can resolve all issues ourselves and we don’t even have to get the PC involved. Yeah, right!! Doubtful. Another “Best” case scenario, and probably the more likely one, is he continues to mess up so badly, hurts Skye so badly that the PC finally sees what I’ve been trying to tell her and she now has the authority to step in and get involved more so than before. What obviously sucks about this scenario is Skye shouldn’t have to go through this anymore. She’s been dealing with all this for too long already.  I have to just sit back and wait for this to happen. Worst case scenario is everything he does is borderline not appropriate but not bad enough to get involved. Ugh. I just need to continue to document everything and when it happens, and I know it will just bring it up to her. If he messes up enough, I can do something then. These last two years don’t count though. 


     Skye will be 12 in about 2 years. If nothing serious enough happens and I can’t get anything changed before then, that’s basically our last hope. But thats 2 years away. I’m wore out. Skye’s wore out. Technically I “won” at court and that would have been great back in 2016. All ongoing issues though are now still ongoing. It feels pretty anti-climactic.


     Here's a link to the court case if you want to look at it. The entry from 9-23-16 is the order that shows the 2 unresolved issues and the journal entry from 9-6-18 shows the results of going to court. http://www.oscn.net/dockets/GetCaseInformation.aspx?db=oklahoma&number=FD-2009-4877&cmid=2518270

Birthday Questions

So last year I found an idea on Pinterest that I really liked the sound of. Each year, starting from age 3, ask your kids these same questions and watch how over the years the answers change and how they stay the same. So for the last 2 birthdays I've done this with Skye. These are her answers so far.  I'll probably just add on to this blog over the years. This year I almost couldn't find the notebook with last years answers so maybe next year I'll remember where they are. My comments or explanations are in (parenthesis)

2012 (3 years old)

~FAVORITE COLOR: Purple
~FAVORITE TOY: Bunny Blocks
~FAVORITE FRUIT: Bananas
~FAVORITE TV SHOW: Sesame Street
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH: (no response)
~FAVORITE OUTFIT: (no response)
~FAVORITE GAME: Matching Game (Memory board game)
~FAVORITE SNACK: (no response)
~FAVORITE ANIMALS: Zebras at the Zoo
~FAVORITE SONG: "The Twinkle-Twinkle Song"
~FAVORITE BOOK: Lady and the Tramp
~BFF: (no response)
~FAVORITE CEREAL: (no response)
~FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY: Helping Grandma water plants
~FAVORITE DRINK: Water
~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas
~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: Pink Kitty Cat
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: Yogurt. Apple Sauce with Cinnamon
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: (I didn't ask this cause technically her birthday had already past & I didn't want to confuse her)
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: A mommy. (Awwwww....)

I had to spread out over a few days asking her these questions cause the attention span of a 3 yr old wouldn't have enjoyed this Q/A set-up. So some of the questions I didn't get around to asking her and some she didn't have an answer to. And some of these answers were just what was on her mind at that moment. I could have asked her the same question the next day and gotten a totally different answer. My favorite answer by far was that she wanted to be a mommy when she grew-up. =)

2013 (4 years old)

~FAVORITE COLOR: "Sometimes all of them and sometimes not." (Later she said that her most favorite was Blue)
~FAVORITE TOY: "All of them." (A few minutes later she said her rocker chair. I told her that wasn't a toy though and she explained to me because of the toys that are attached to it, its a toy. This is the Fisher Price Rocking chair that   vibrates and has the bar of toys above it with the jungle print on it with the snail, butterfly and lady bug.)
~FAVORITE FRUIT: Grapes
~FAVORITE TV SHOW: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT LUNCH: Graham Crackers (keep in mind we were doing this survey as she was seated in her high chair eating graham crackers.)
~FAVORITE OUTFIT: "Hmmmmm, lemme think....I can't stop thinking of it." (This was her way of not being able to think of just one)
~FAVORITE GAME: Hide-n-go-Seek
~FAVORITE SNACK: Graham Crackers (coincidentally enough)
~FAVORITE ANIMAL: Zebras (pause) and chickens too!
~FAVORITE SONG: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
~FAVORITE BOOK: Cinderella
~BFF: My dog, My kitty (these are imaginary animals), you (speaking to me), and my grandma
~FAVORITE CEREAL: The square kind (Shredded Wheat) & the heart cereal with the  cheerios in it (Kashi)
~FAVORITE OUTDOOR ACTIVITY: Play!
~FAVORITE DRINK: "All of them but sometimes its not. My most favorite is water."
~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: "Christmas. Is that a holiday?" (I tell her yes and list off a few more holidays then she tells me that Halloween is her most favorite though)
~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: My babies
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: Cereal
~WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: (I didn't ask her what she wanted but Steph and her family drove up from Dallas and took us out to Chuys the night of her Zoo party.)
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: A mommy doctor

This year was kinda cute. When I asked her what her favorite was of something she couldn't pick one but when she asked me, "Do you mean my MOST FAVORITE?" then she was able to pick just one thing.

I found it interesting that her favorite animal is still the zebra. She doesn't really talk about this often and when we go to the zoo she always wants to see the ostrich. They go way back to the day he bit her when she was around 1 year old. =( Poor baby. I was also a little surprised that Twinkle Twinkle was still her favorite song just cause she knows a lot more songs now, even knows some words to Taylor Swift and Justin Bieber songs but again, if you ask her on a different day she might say something totally different. At this age its still reflects more whats on her mind right then.

Around 3 1/2 she started telling us how she wants to be a Mommy Doctor when she grows up. I think this is a little bit because of Doc McStuffins. Skye will get out her dr kit and open up her clinic and fix all her sick babies. I asked Skye what she means by a "mommy doctor?" Is that a doctor that helps mommies or a doctor that helps babies? She quickly replied "Babies." So sorta like a pediatrician is how I interpret that. So, watch out Harvard Med! Here comes Dr. Skye. (She does look o so precious with her Fisher Price Stethoscope around her neck =)

I still need to post 2014 & 15 but for now here's 2016...She's 7!! (Asked Questions on 2/29/16)
~FAVORITE COLOR: Pink, Purple and Dark Blue (but especially Purple)
~FAVORITE TOY: My Flutterbyes
~FAVORITE FRUIT: Pineapple
~FAVORITE TV SHOW: PJ Masks
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH: Hot Dog
~FAVORITE OUTFIT: Monkey pajama bottoms (that she currently is wearing)
~FAVORITE GAME: Owl Hotel (educational computer game)
~FAVORITE SNACK: Cheese
~FAVORITE ANIMALS: Zebra
~FAVORITE SONG: Roar (by Katy Perry)
~FAVORITE BOOK: The Sleep Book by Dr. Seuss
~BFF: Hailie (Jones)
~FAVORITE CEREAL: Lucky Charms
~FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY: Swimming
~FAVORITE DRINK: Chocolate Milk
~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas
~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: Build-a-bear toys (McDonald's Happy Meal toys)
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: French Toast
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: Breakfast for Dinner
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: Rock Star, no, a Doctor.

                                                      2017 (8 Years Old!!)
~FAVORITE COLOR: Pink, Purple and Dark Blue
~FAVORITE TOY: Scooter
~FAVORITE FRUIT: Pineapple
~FAVORITE TV SHOW: Supergirl
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH: Cheese Enchiladas
~FAVORITE OUTFIT: Troll Pajamas
~FAVORITE GAME: Prodigy
~FAVORITE SNACK: TrailMix (Raisins, M-n-Ms, Nuts)
~FAVORITE ANIMAL: Dolphin
~FAVORITE SONG: Cute Chicks (From the 2nd grade Spring Play)
~FAVORITE BOOK: Magic Animal Friends Series & Adventures at Hound Hotel
~BFF: Jaycie Townsend
~FAVORITE CEREAL: Oats (Oatmeal)
~FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY: Freeze Tag or Jump Rope
~FAVORITE DRINK: Dr. Pepper
~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas
~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: Tasha and Emoji Pillow
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: French Toast
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: Applebees
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: I don't know??

2018

(I kept forgetting to do this. I finally remembered on 2/22/2018. Skye is 9!!)
~FAVORITE COLOR: Purple 
~FAVORITE TOY: Tablet or Phone (Just to clarify- the phone is mine, not Skye's)
~FAVORITE FRUIT: Plum *Pineapple*
~FAVORITE TV SHOW: Pokémon (We don't have the channel but Skye watches it online.)
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH: Sausage pizza at school with Ranch
~FAVORITE OUTFIT: I don't have one.
~FAVORITE GAME: Zen Koi II
~FAVORITE SNACK: String Cheese or Cutie
~FAVORITE ANIMAL: I don't have one. *Dolphin*
~FAVORITE SONG: "Roar" ~ Katy Perry
~FAVORITE BOOK: "Diary of a Mad Brownie/Cursed" by Bruce Coville
~BFF: Ariana Viesca, Kaylee Blackburn, Isla Ross
~FAVORITE CEREAL: Lucky Charms
~FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY: Bike/Scooter
~FAVORITE DRINK: Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper
~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas
~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: Tasha and Baby Koala Bear
~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: French Toast, like always/Pancakes at IHOP.
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: We ate at Peter Piper Pizza
~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: Vet

*After we finished the survey this year, Skye wanted to go back and read the previous year's answers. When she saw the previous years answers she changed her mind. I kept her original answer and the asterisk indicates her new answer. 

2019 The Double Digits!! 

(How funny, last year I didn't do this until 2/22 and I kept forgetting to do this again, until I finally remembered on 2/22/2019.)

~FAVORITE COLOR:  Pink, Purple and Dark Blue. Actually wait...Sparkly Purple

~FAVORITE TOY: Bike

~FAVORITE FRUIT: Pineapple

~FAVORITE TV SHOW: Star Trek: The Next Generation (I love all star trek =) )

~FAVORITE THING TO EAT FOR LUNCH: Pizza or Breakfast for lunch

~FAVORITE OUTFIT: "I don't have a favorite outfit. I like Lula. So if I can wear Lula..."

~FAVORITE GAME: Monopoly

~FAVORITE SNACK: Ice cream bars

~FAVORITE ANIMAL: strait out I love all animals except the ones that are dangerous (and musketoes) <----Thats how Skye spells mosquitoes lol

~FAVORITE SONG: "Roar","Check Yes or No" and "Love Without End, Amen"

~FAVORITE BOOK: A Snicker of Magic

~BFF: KK Blackburn

~FAVORITE CEREAL: Coco Puffs

~FAVORITE OUTSIDE ACTIVITY: Izzi and riding my bike

~FAVORITE DRINK: A & W Root Beer

~FAVORITE HOLIDAY: Christmas

~FAVORITE ITEM TO TAKE TO BED: my pillows

~FAVORITE THING TO EAT AT BREAKFAST: "Well, it was cinnamon toast a couple days ago but that changed,so I don't know (She threw up her cinnamon toast 2 days ago)

~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO EAT FOR DINNER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY: Olive Garden (We're going there tomorrow, 18 days late, but still...)

~WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?: Vet

*This was the first year Skye helped me type some of the answers =)

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The Big Latch On

So for a while now I've been wanting to write about this and I knew I eventually would get around to it. I'm so glad to finally do so. Its a long one too, seeing as it took up 2.5 years of my life, a long blog dedicated to this journey would be expected though. It amazes me how controversial of a topic breastfeeding is. To all the moms out there that formula feed, I want you to know I think you are great moms too. You are providing for your children and taking care of them, so kudos to you. I do think you and your baby are missing out on some rewards that can never be replicated though and my wish for new moms is that they would at least give nursing a try. If its not for you or for some reason you aren’t able to, you should be super proud of yourself for trying. Talk to a lactation specialist first before throwing in the towel though cause they have so many ways of working with you and your baby to make it successful. This blog is in no way meant to offend any mom. It is simply me sharing my experiences of breastfeeding, the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations and what I’ve learned along the way.

My mom told me I was formula fed when I was baby and I’ve turned out pretty good. I have a strong bond with my mom, I’m relatively healthy and well-adjusted. I do kinda wonder what the difference would have been had I been breastfed. I wonder how Skye would have turned out differently if I hadn't breastfed her, and for so long. Even though I was formula fed I knew babies got milk from their mommas. You see other animals get milk from their moms so its not a huge revelation that is what humans do too. As I started to grow up though the idea of formula became more and more the thing to do though. Id babysit and mothers would show me how to mix the formula. I worked in daycare and most of the kids there were given formula. I was kinda confused why should I breastfeed if they sell formula. One thing that scared me about having babies too soon was the cost of feeding them associated with buying formula. This sounds so ridiculous to me now, but maybe I thought you were supposed to breastfeed only up to 1 month old or so and after that there was formula. Now that I think about it I’d say by high school I’d pretty much wiped out the option of ever breastfeeding once I had children and sorta had this image in my head that one day, I too would be mixing formula in bottles.

I’m not sure when the idea of breastfeeding started to sneak back into my mind as an option but I decided my children would be breastfed many, many years before I had Skye. I knew I was going to be determined enough to make it work no matter what. At this time I also thought breast milk was just food with its only purpose being to fill the baby’s stomach. I never would have guessed all the benefits from breastfeeding. I started to hear how it is packed with nutrients and vitamins, easier digestion for the baby, how it increases your baby’s IQ, how it increases the bond between mother and child, how it is helpful in hand-eye coordination, teeth alignment, speech development, lower the risk of many cancers in baby and mom, helps in mom’s post-partum recovery, burns up to 800 extra calories a day, better for the environment, less chance of ear infection, eczema, obesity, so less time and money spent at the hospital.People have always commented to me about how social and friendly Skye is and studies show that breastfeeding does increase children's social skills. I think some babies are just more outgoing that others and so some formula fed babies are going to have good social skills too, but I totally believe breastfeeding Skye had something to do with her social skills.

 I was most surprised to learn the medicinal value of breast milk. I didn’t know it could be used on skin rashes, diaper rashes, bug bites, pink eye and other ailments like that since it is sterile. It is also great for cleaning contact lenses. Whodathunkit?? How wrong I was into thinking it was “only food.” This is just the tip of the ice berg. These are benefits for any mom/baby. I found out breastfeeding Skye brought with it its own benefits just for me and Skye; things like just funny little moments. They say two benefits are a smarter, stronger child. There were times I wondered if these were really benefits to have a child smarter and stronger than me by 18 months old!! haha. I also liked the idea of getting out of jury duty if ever summoned, but this is just an Oklahoma law. I never have been called to jury duty though, yet.

The only negative thing I found associated with breastfeeding was that the doctor had to prescribe fluoride drops for Skye's teeth because there is no fluoride in breast milk. But for mothers who mix formula with tap water they are also giving their babies fluoride that is added to the tap water. But her lack of fluoride was easily supplemented with fluoride prescription drops. Quick and easy fix to that problem.

My friend Jenn had her first baby in 2006 or 2007 I think. She started attending a support group for breastfeeding moms and supporters of breastfeeding called La Leche League (LLL). When I was a few months pregnant I started going with Jenn and really enjoyed the comrade of these nursing mothers who were nursing even their “older” toddlers. At the time I found that a little weird but once I learned about the benefits of nursing a toddler I really liked the idea and left that option open for me and my baby depending on how things went once Skye actually got here. I remember one mom talking about her 2 or 3-year-old son getting too rowdy sometimes and she could quickly nurse him and it was like “hitting the snooze button” is how she put it. It seemed to almost instantly calm him down.

They talked about the convenience of it and I really liked that idea. Going shopping and not worrying about forgetting the formula or the bottle at home. Not having to clean so many bottles. Not all the prep time that goes into mixing formula, especially in the middle of the night. Just being able to put the baby to your breast and laying there. Not having to test the temperature of the milk on your wrist. Not getting peeved that you made a bottle and the baby didn’t want it, or left a very small amount. I remember Jenn saying she didn’t feel obligated to make her baby drink every drop of breast milk cause there was plenty more where it came from.  She is also big into saving money and not being wasteful. She said if she spent $30 on a can of formula it would really bug her if every drop wasn’t used. So if one ounce was still left in the bottle it would really irritate her if her baby didn’t drink it. Breastfeeding moms don’t have to worry about that. So many little things like this really appealed to me.

I quickly became very attached to my LLL group. It was nice to hear about their struggles and advice. It was nice to be able to laugh with them about some of their experiences. It was great to be able to turn to them when I had a question about what medicines to take or how to conceal myself better. O, just a tip- If I was out in public I refused to breastfeed Skye in the bathroom. Ok, well sometimes I did but only if it was the last resort.  I was more comfortable using the dressing rooms, preferably the largest one or the handicap one. That way I could sit down and have my stroller in there too if I needed it. I turned to Jenn a lot too. I loved having a friend I could call with the silliest most random questions and she’d be so happy to answer them for me.

Even though breast milk is such a super-food, I also had to learn how fragile it is. For pumping mothers, like me, it can spoil quickly if not stored properly. Once it is put in the bottle it should not be heated in the microwave or shaken in the bottle. It has to be heated slowly and stirred gently so you don’t break down the fat and nutrients. There were many guidelines I had to learn about that applied to pumping. That was kinda overwhelming at first but interesting in some aspects. Once I got the hang of it, it was no big deal.

On February 5^th, 2009 at 8:46 that evening I gave birth to Savannah Skye Wilson. O God! How quickly I did fall in love with this little girl! I knew almost instantly Id do anything for her and protect her till my last dying breath. The lactation nurse starting working with me and Skye that evening. We had a little bit of a problem. They could tell Skye was doing her part just fine but she had some problem finding my nipple. Its pretty smooth and doesn’t really perk up like most mom’s nipples do. It was pretty scary for me to see this cause I was so determined to make it work.

They gave me a silicone tip thing to put on my boob and it made it a lot easier for Skye to be able to find the milk supply. I found out later on these tips are kind of controversial in the breastfeeding world but its what I had to do to make it work so I’m thrilled that such a tool was available to me for Skye. I couldn’t go anywhere without this nipple thing though and that was kind of scary. Sometimes when I needed it I couldn’t find it, especially in the middle of the night. A few times I left it at home and had to go all the way back to get it. So, I didn’t have the total convenience of breastfeeding like some moms did but that’s ok. We still made it work.

The one and only time Skye was given formula was when she was just about a week old and she had to be readmitted to the hospital for Jaundice. She was so tiny. I think her weight had actually fallen below 5 lbs. The nurse told me I needed to give her formula cause it helped the jaundice somehow. I told the nurse I would give her the formula but I was totally lying just so the nurse would stop talking about it. I had no intention on feeding her any formula ever. Then the nurse took my baby from me and showed me how to use the tiny bottles of prepared/pre-mixed formula. Im still mad at myself for letting the nurse feed her the formula. I was only 1 week post-partum though and was still pretty doped up and emotional. I just kinda wanted to leave ASAP without fighting the nurse.

 I breastfed her that night and used the prescribed lightbed to make her bilirubin count go down. When we went back to the hospital the next day it turned out her jaundice was in fact getting better. I was given a pump and the nurse showed me how to use it. It was quite the puzzle at first!! I easily pumped out enough to fill an entire bottle. The nurses and docs were impressed by how much milk I already had. They thought surely it was only colostrum but when they saw it they told me it was in fact milk. I was pretty impressed with myself and my mammary glands!!

It takes lots of water to produce breast milk!!  Nursing would make me soooo thirsty. I knew if I sat down with Skye there was a good chance she would fall asleep and Id be “trapped” on the couch with her. So I tried to keep things within arms reach and water was on the top of my list. I found it fascinating how my body was able to turn water into milk. I kinda felt a little like Jesus turning water to wine. Lol

I cant tell you how much I loved nursing her. I remember one of the moms in LLL saying she knew she was going to breastfeed, but she didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as she did. I felt the same way. I loved getting to spend this time with her. I loved holding her, I loved gazing into her eyes and brushing her hair out of her face. I loved humming and singing to her. I loved feeling her little baby paws on my breast. I loved the idea of being so important to someone. I mean she depended solely on me for food and water and I took that responsibility very serious. I loved taking baths with her and being able to nurse her in the tub. I loved watching her grow. As a baby she pretty much just spanned the width of my belly, now as a toddler her legs dangle off my legs onto the couch cushion. I loved having a way to sooth her like nothing else could do. I would let her nurse during and after immunization shots and it really seemed to help her. Shots are the worst thing for parents to go through with their children so having a way to ease her pain was comforting to me and it seemed to be comforting to her. The bond breastfeeding creates between mother and child is something I will never take for granted. Its the most special memory in the world to me that I share with Skye.

Breastfeeding definitely has its challenges too. But I think you can make the most out of any situation, even those involving breastfeeding. And if you can work through them or turn them into a positive you’ll find breastfeeding to be so rewarding.  I was always comfortable breastfeeding in front of my mom but not some of the rest of my family. So if I was at someone else’s house I felt like I had to go to the backroom and isolate myself from everyone. I didn’t like feeling like a leper. I didn’t like not being able to sleep for more than 3 hours at a time. Moms who formula feed can make a couple bottles and someone else take over. I could pump, but if I could nurse I’d prefer to do that. I did eventually learn how to lay on my side though and let Skye nurse as I fell back to sleep. It was kinda hard to do that with the nipple thingy though.

I tried a few times to nurse without the silicone nipple just to see if she could find my nipple and it took a while but right around 7 weeks old she was finally able to nurse without it. I was so happy. The ironic part was that my maternity leave was almost up and I’d be returning to work soon. So now that she finally knew how to nurse 100% naturally she’d have to learn how to use a bottle when my mom watched her during the day. She had used a bottle a few times so I knew she’d be able to but I was still a little worried she’d stop nursing from me all together like some children do.

My mom bought me my pump and I started pumping while I was still on maternity leave. I felt like I had pumped months worth of milk but Lisa, the nurse who came to check on me and Skye told me it was only about a weeks worth. Man, babies eat a lot!!

Going back to work I had no choice but to pump if I wanted to continue to breastfeed. I knew so many of the benefits of just nursing baby to breast were being lost but I did the best I could. I hated being away from Skye for 10 hours a day but found some reassurance knowing part of me was with her. She knew this milk came from mommy. So even though I wasn’t there, there was a part of me with her to comfort her. I think we both took comfort in that.

Skye was about 10 months old when she started getting overnight visitations with her dad. I would write a little note on the milk bag for her just to let her know I loved her and would always be with her and thinking of her. I hated giving him my milk. I didn’t trust he was using it or even knew how to use it. But I just had to tell myself he was. And it helped calm me down some knowing a part of me was with her while she was in an unfamiliar place with someone she hardly knew. When I got her back the first thing I would do was nurse her and reassure her I was still here for her. I cant tell you how special this time was for me and Skye. She always came back from these visits very “altered” and I felt like nursing was first thing I could do to try to get her back to feeling secure and back to her normal routine of things. (Some of my own personal benefits of breastfeeding.)

Some money goes into breastfeeding if you pump, still cheaper than formula though. But buying the pump, the supplies, the bags and things like that add up too. I think total I spent maybe $500ish. There was also some bottle cleaning involved now. Since mom watched her during the day while I was at work she was really the only person that had to worry about washing bottles. So the only bottles I had to clean were the ones I used to pump into and the rest of the pumping equipment. Washing all the parts did get old quick but I didn’t mind. Kinda like changing diapers. You do it and get it over with and no biggie.

Pumping at work was definitely a sacrifice and stressful at times. Giving up my breaks, trying to find a private place to go so I wouldn't be walked in on (which happened about 3 or 4 times. I got over it, but still, those poor men must be traumatized for life!!), not really being able to wear dresses (unless I wanted to be totally naked.) because some dresses were much more difficult to lift up than just a shirt. 

Once I was transferred to this dingy warehouse to work in and was told I'd have to pump in the bathroom. 1st-Thats totally illegal according to the US Dept of Labor Section 7 of the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA). 2nd-Next time you go into a public bathroom take notice of how few, if any electrical outlets there are. Or where they are placed-I sometimes I had no choice but to pump in a bathroom or locker room. The outlets are near the floor and if there was no shelving I had to put my pump on the floor and sit on the floor. Or the outlets are by the mirrors so you can do your hair, not ideal for pumping though. If pumping mothers use these then they totally sacrifice any privacy; leaving themselves naked and vulnerable to anyone who walks in. (I work at the Health Dept and this is not their stance on breastfeeding, this was coming from an ill-advised warehouse employee. I gave him some quick on the spot education though.) And for me, it really was more embarrassing getting walked in on during pumping than actually breastfeeding. The pump makes this loud sound, it doesn't conceal the breast like a baby does, overall it just doesn't feel as natural as actually nursing.

I always loved the places that clearly went out of their way and designated a spot for breasfeeding mothers. Those places that put a lot of thought into what a breastfeeding mom needed. My deepest gratitude to those few places.

I had to remember to bring my pump and all of its parts (a few times I forgot just one little piece and it really made it difficult to pump.), the bags to store the milk in, the insulated bag to keep the milk in and the ice pack to keep the milk cool so I could get it back home and it not spoil. I work at the Health Department and they are obviously big supporters of breastfeeding so I was glad to work for such a breastfeeding friendly place. I gave up my breaks at work and part of my lunch break so I could pump. I traveled a lot though and this made it difficult to always a find a place to pump. I often had to find a receptionist or someone like that and ask them if there was a private room with an outlet where I could plug in my pump. It was kind of embarrassing having to ask but I just got over it and knew I was doing something good for Skye, even though I couldn't be with her as much as I wanted I knew I was doing something for her and she was always on my mind.  I was determined and I made it work. A few times I left a full bag of milk in my car overnight and I was so mad at myself for wasting milk like that. Well at least it was free and I would always make some more. Still though.

I did like the idea of forcing myself to break though. I brought some pictures of Skye with me and would turn on some quiet music and spend that 20 minutes or so of pumping just thinking about her and her sweet little face. For 3 times a day at work I drifted off to a really special place in my mind where I could still hear her cooing, smell her skin, see her eyes. I loved thinking about her. I loved the idea that even though I was away from her, I was still able to do something directly for her. It made me feel like a good mom. (Again, lemme say, I don’t think if you feed your baby formula you are a bad mom. I’m just explaining the way breastfeeding made me feel.)

Almost the very first thing I would do after getting home from work was to sit down with Skye and nurse her. I’d miss her so much and it was so wonderful to spend this time with her in my arms after even the crappiest work days.  This really got interesting as months pasted and she got older and stronger. She would really wiggle around while nursing, getting into some of the funniest positions. Mom and I would crack up at her. She would arch her back, stick her fanny up in the air, kick her legs like she had restless legs syndrome, roll around, all still while she was latched on. I’m sure the lactation specialist that worked with us when she was first born, that showed us proper position to nurse in, would not have approved of our altered positions!! LoL.

When Skye started teething she bit me a couple times. Wholly fucking shit!! It felt like having a car battery hooked up to me and getting shocked for a millisecond. She was probably close to 6 months old or so the first time this happened I wasn’t sure what happened. The second time it happened it was a little longer and a little harder and I screamed bloody murder. I pulled Skye off me and scared the crap out of her. I felt so bad. I didn’t mean to scare her it was just a reflex. I’m not lying; she went on a nursing strike for like 24 hours. She only let my mom feed her from a bottle I had pumped earlier. I was really scared I had ruined it. Id put her to my breast and she'd turn away or start whimpering. My mom said it was like she’d been beaten or something. I felt awful. I just kept offering it to her and I think she finally got hungry enough and finally started to nurse again. What a relief to have her nurse again. I’m so glad we stuck to it and work through that little issue.

When she was 8 months old I had developed kidney stones. This did not mix well with breastfeeding. During the process of being diagnosed I had to drink some nasty stuff so they could take an xray and see the stones. I wasn’t allowed to nurse for 24 hours after this. Also, after my surgery I had to refrain from nursing due to the anesthesia. We put a huge dent in our frozen stored up milk supply and I was really worried Skye would forget how to nurse. It was such a relief after my surgery to have her nurse again. I remember sitting down with her and her immediately taking to my breast. I was so happy almost cried. I remember looking up at my mom and saying, “She didn’t forget how to.” It had been really hard for me those 24 hours to hold her and she wanted to nurse but I had to tell her no. I was so relived once all the kidney stone mess finally cleared up.

We had gone through a LOT of our frozen milk though after this surgery so I actually started pumping at midnight. Skye was sleeping through the night at this point so I realized I was going about 6-8 hours without pumping or nursing so I figured I could squeeze in an extra session of pumping to get out a little more and still have time to replenish Skye's supply for her morning nursing session. So even though Skye was sleeping through the night, I still was not. When I told my doctor about this she asked me not to do that cause it was just too stressful on me and I needed to get some rest. She was worried about my high blood pressure. Most of that was because of the child custody case but I wasn't helping anything. I still pumped at midnight though. I was just trying so hard to give Skye the best and be the best mom I could. I think all moms put that pressure on ourselves.

Some moms suffer from chapped nipples or mastitis or other complications. I’m so thankful I never really had anything too serious like this happen to me. I love hearing stories of how other nursing moms suffered from things like this but still worked through them and didn’t give up. And usually the way of working through them somehow involved using breastmilk. (i.e. rubbing milk on the nipples helps them not be chapped and breastfeeding helps the mastitis go away.)So yeah, I know breastfeeding has its cons, I had my own bad experiences. For me and many other moms, the pros far outweigh the cons though.

When I first started breastfeeding I didn’t know how long I would breastfeed for. It would kinda bug me how Skye’s doctors would ask me how long I planned to breastfeed. Almost insinuating most moms should think about quitting. Many moms will put an end date in their head (6 weeks, 6 months, 1 year.) I sorta had 1 year in my head but not as a quit date. That was more of a date to evaluate the situation and see how we were doing.

So come Feb 5^th ,2010 it was very clear neither Skye or myself were anywhere close to giving up breastfeeding so I decided to keep going. I read somewhere how healthy it was for a toddler to nurse and taking away breast milk just because they are getting older is equivalent to taking away vegetables once they get older. You don’t tell a teenager to stop eating spinach once they are 15. Spinach is still super healthy for them so why would you tell them to stop? And some people would also say they hate spinach and say its gross, the same way some people probably feel about nursing but that doesn’t make it wrong or unhealthy.  I also don’t want to give up breastfeeding cause once its over, its over. Its very difficult to start lactating again. So once I do stop I want to be 100% sure it’s the right thing and right time to do so. So for now my hormones can still keep making the milk.

Skye is 2 ½ now. She has gone from nursing every 2-3 hours to about once a day, sometime once every other day. So we have pretty much hit the weaning stage I think. She eats 3 meals a day plus grazes on fruits, veggies, crackers, cheerios and other snacky types of food all day long it seems. We nurse right before bed for about 5 minutes. Its really more of just a healthy snack for her. It soothes her right before bedtime and she has come to think of this as part of her routine. She rolls off my lap after nursing and walks almost immediately to her room and lays down on her bed after we nurse. It signals the end of the day to her and seems to make putting her to bed very easy on both of us. Its been about a week since the last time we nursed and I’m thinking that was probably the last time I’ll hold my baby to my breast to let her nurse. August 22^nd, 2011

I love being the mom of a nursing toddler. I wish there was more info out there about nursing toddlers. The WHO recommends to nurse until 2 but I just wish there was more info about it. Most breastfeeding information is geared towards newborns and don’t talk much about the benefits of nursing a toddler.

A friend of mine posted something on facebook about The Big Latch On. The Norman La Leche League sponsored it and it was held on August 6th, 2011 in Andrews Park in Norman, Okla by the library. The goal was to ultimately set a world record for the most mothers nursing simultaneously around the world. Different locations hosted the event and even though we didn't set the world record I was so privileged to be a part of it.


The day had a breakfast buffet, a few games for the kids, playing in the park, face painting, pictures...typical stuff like that. It was a good morning. I think Skye might have been the oldest baby their who actually nursed. She had just turned 30 months old the day before. I was a little worried she might not nurse since it wasn't right before bed but she did just fine.


For me this really marked the end of my nursing days. She nursed a few more times after the Big Latch On but the setting really kind of made it a big deal and was almost ceremonial. (Kinda like these farewell ceremonies for the troops who actually dont leave town for a few more weeks). the Big Latch On was our farewell ceremony.


I'm so glad I was able to nurse for so long. I'm so glad I had the support system in place that allowed Skye to nurse for so long, my mother and my family, my LLL group-especially Jenn, my job-The Oklahoma State Department of Health, and other mothers who just gave me those random pats on the back for being a nursing mom (those meant a lot.)

 

http://www.llli.org/webus.html

http://www.ok.gov/health/Child_and_Family_Health/Breastfeeding/
http://www.cdc.gov/breastfeeding/
http://www.who.int/topics/breastfeeding/en/
 

Skye's 1st Movie Theater Movie - Winnie the Pooh

If any parent asked me for advice about when to take your kids to the movie theater, this is what Id tell them...

I’m not a big fan of going to the movies. I’d rather rent or buy the DVD and watch it at home unless it is a great movie, with awesome special effects can only be fully enjoyed at the theater. I just hate paying $10 (or more) per person per ticket, walking on sticky floors, sitting behind a tall guy with a hat on, beside a couple making out, a screaming baby behind me, distracting cell phones going off, worrying about getting caught sneaking in my own drinks and candy to avoid the crazy prices at the concession stand and whatever else could possibly happen to irritate me.

If you have kids, don’t take them to PG-13 or R rated movies. Get a babysitter or put them in the theater daycare if one is provided. Crying babies in the theater are the worse. Kids kicking my seat are a close second. I hate going to comedies and everyone laughs so much you don’t even get to hear all the funny lines. I hate leaving to use the bathroom and miss part of the movie. The only way I like the movies if I get a free ticket and have the entire auditorium to myself.

I’d rather spend $1 on a Redbox rental for the whole family, watch it when I want, don’t have to worry about the guy with the hat, I can pause it and run to the restroom. Plus, DVDs have the deleted scenes, bloopers and special features.

Even though I’m not a fan of movie theaters, I do still understand why others enjoy them and try to not be one of those annoyances to them. 

All that being said, and as much as I don’t like going to the movies Ive really been wanting to take Skye. I have kinda been waiting for the right age and the right movie though. Shes really never been one of those kids you can stick in front of the tv and her stay glued to it. And I like that about her. She loves reading and playing outside, and if it involves water, she’s all about that!!

She does have a few shows she seems to really enjoy though. Baby Signing Time, Thomas and his Friends, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, SuperWhy, Word Girl, Sesame Street, Dora, and lately her new fascination is Winnie the Pooh.  Only two of these shows really holds her attention for the whole show. Lately Winnie the Pooh on YouTube holds her attention for more than an hour. Most of them are more of a slight form of 10 minutes worth of entertainment for her when she is stuck in the house and I’m busy with something. I just wasn’t sure if a movie would hold her attention for more than 30 minutes.

With this hot weather though lately we are finding ourselves stuck in the house more than we’d like to be. 110degrees outside is just too hot for a 2 yr old and even when it gets down to 90 degrees at 10 at night, its too late at that point.

Taking all those things into consideration I started thinking maybe I’d take Skye to her first movie. I wouldn’t mind going for her and I’ve being seeing the trailers for Winnie the Pooh and like I said, that has been her recent obsession. Plus, it looked really cute. Harry Potter opened this wknd so I knew most of America would be filing into see that movie and Winnie the Pooh I hoped would be an empty auditorium. I'm not at all a fan of Harry Potter but it really worked out perfect it opened the same wknd as Winnie the Pooh. So, thanks Harry!!

I got some advice from friends about taking a toddler to the movies and they said basically just to bring enough snacks to keep her entertained and sit in the aisle. Its been forever since I checked on movie times and prices it really turned into quite the research project. I cant imagine planning a vacation when going to the movies takes two days to plan.

I knew I wanted a matinee for the cheap prices and hopefully the weather earlier in the day wouldn’t be too hot outside (Even when I blast the A/C the car just doesn’t seem to get as cool as I’d like it too for Skye in the backseat. Even a short ride home makes her kinda sweaty.) I also didn’t want the movie to interfere with her naptime cause I wanted her to enjoy it and not be cranky. I also was taking mom’s schedule into consideration too. Man, wears me out just thinking about it again. So, once I called around and got the times and prices I decided on the Crossroads AMC theater Sunday matinee show on July 17^th at 10:50am. I also remembered I had a gift card for AMC for filling out surveys online from years ago and finally was able to use it!

I was getting pretty excited at this point. Even though I’m not a fan of going to the movies I was excited for Skye to see her first movie =)

We had to skip church to go see the Sunday matinee but it was really the best time to go see Winnie. Mom helped me get her all dressed up in her Winnie the Pooh outfit we just happened to have (she looked so cute!!) and I made sure the diaper bag was stocked with diapers, wipies, snacks, filled sippie cup, change of clothes and a few little toys for her to play with if needed.  We also decided to go get some breakfast before we went. Thank you Jimmy’s Egg for the perfect locations, price and the breakfast was great!! I need to go there more often.  Everyone just kept saying how cute Skye was. (Given, that’s kind of a daily occurrence for us, but she did look really cute.)

We got to the theater and it was just starting to get hot but not bad at all. The A/C inside the theater was AWESOME!!! It was Sunday morning so there was no crowd at all. There was maybe 10 other people in the movie with us with their children also. Its so precious to me to watch Skye experience something for the first time. Even if she wont remember it, I will. She was relatively well behaved. She didn’t sit still at all. Up and down the stairs, walking a lot but this was to be expected. It was the beginning of the day and shes a toddler so asking her to sit still is kinda out of the question. That’s why I picked a showtime hoping for no one else in the auditorium so she'd have plenty of romping room. I offered her her snacks a few times but she seemed to prefer the left over pancakes from Jimmy's Egg we brought with us.

We got there a little early so we could take pictures of her but it was kinda too early and a little difficult to entertain her in a dark room but she was fine. Once the previews started she kept thinking it would be the movie starting so I think the previews kinda annoyed her. Although some of the trailers looked pretty good. I might have to catch DolphinTale when it comes out. Finally the movie started and Skye sat in my lap for about 10 minutes. Mom is sitting behind us taking pictures with her flash going off (I’m sure the other movie goers loved that!!) But we got some cute pictures. Skye pretty much stood/walked/hopped through the entire movie but I think she still watched it. Only once or twice did she get a little too loud and other people looked in our direction. Most of them had their own kids and seemed pretty understanding though. I think she enjoyed herself.

It was really a cute little movie. Mom and I haven’t been in years and we kept thinking how funny it was that the first movie we go see is this little kiddie movie. But that’s ok. It wasn’t about us. We wanted Skye to have a good time. All in all I think she did. The movie was cute and I really like how they made it seem like you were reading a book. I think it was their way of still encouraging reading.

I don’t know if I’ll be taking Skye back anytime soon. It really depends on the movie. Pooh was just perfect since shes been on this little Pooh Bear kick lately. When she sings the theme song, it is so cute!! She just seems perfectly content watching him on youtube. I’m glad I took her though. She had a good time but she just enjoys outside activities so much more.

We stopped by McD’s drive thru on our way home to get some any size $1 drinks before we went home. Skye fell asleep on our way home and ended up taking her nap once we got back home.

 The whole movie going experience really kinda reminded me of that scene in Annie where Mr. Warbucks took her to the movies. It was so sweet. I just love doing things like this with her and get giddy thinking about what other firsts there will be for us as she gets older. Overall, I’d give the movie going experience 4 out of 5 stars. =)

HEY DJ!!! This blog's for you.

Seems like most of my blogs have a musical theme to them. I seriously feel like I might be the only person who actually lives in a musical! I heard this All American Reject song on the radio this morning as I was driving to work. I liked this song when it first came out in 2008 but man it really struck a chord with me today. I was totally jammin and I didn't care who was looking!!  It totally sums up where Im at right now with DJ.

Most all of the lyrics fit perfectly (Note the yellow highlight) but some of the lyrics were as though I had once been in the band AAR and helped write this song mysef!! (red font). Some things are not highlighted just because its a repeat in the song or it just doesn't apply 100%. And just for fun my thoughts are in blue. The one thing I took a little artistic liberty with was changing the gender when appropriate (noted in paranthesis) although he practically is a woman anyways.



GIVES YOU HELL-All American Rejects

I wake up every evening
With a big smile on my face
And it never feels out of place
And you're still prob'ly working
At a nine-to-five pace
I wonder how bad that tastes

(He was “self-employed” and didn’t work 9-5. He didn’t bring home 1 penny so the above lines dont apply to him)

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

(when you see my face IN COURT hope it gives you hell!!)

Now where's your picket fence, love?
And where's that shiny car?
And did it ever get you far?
And you never seemed so tense, love
I've never seen you fall so hard
Do you know where you are?

(The picket fence is mine, the shiny car was more important to him than me or Skye were to him. Mr. National Merit Scholar with big dreams never went anywhere but Harrah and wont ever be good enough for Edmond even)

And truth be told, I miss you -miss you
And truth be told, I'm lyin'

(yeah- I definitely DON’T miss him!!)

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a (girl) that's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then (s)he's a fool, you're just as well
Hope it gives you hell
I hope it gives you hell

(Im hoping once he finds a girl he’ll leave us alone. More power to them!!)

Tomorrow you'll be thinking to yourself
Yeah, "where'd it all go wrong?"
But the list goes on and on

(In his mind he’s faultless but I cant stop numbering all the things he did to me, Skye and the rest of my family.)

But truth be told, I miss you -miss you
And truth be told, I'm lyin'

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
If you find a (girl) that's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then (s)he's a fool, you're just as well
I hope it gives you hell
Now you'll never see
What you've done to me
You can take back your memories
They're no good to me
And here's all your lies
You can look me in the eyes
With the sad, sad look
That you wear so well

(Yep-I’ll never let him see me struggle- Not that I am. Yep- He can definitely take back the few good memories we had together-O wait! I think he already did when he took back what little he did give to me the day he left! Sooooo many lies!! OMG! Can this stanza be any more perfect?!?! He would try this pathetic puppy dog look when he wanted something. All I could think to myself was how feminine he looked. I was disgusted by his sad, sad, look.)

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you find a (girl) that's worth a damn
And treats you well
Then (s)he's a fool, you're just as well
I hope it gives you hell

When you see my face
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you walk my way
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell
When you hear this song and you sing along
But you never tell
But you never tell
Then you're a fool, I'm just as well
I hope it gives you hell
Hope it gives you hell

(Pretty straight forward)

When you hear this song
I hope that it will give you hell
Hope it gives you hell
You can sing along
I hope that it puts you through hell

And if the song doesn't, my lawyer will!!